Breaking Through
by asimbelmyne
Summary: By killing her, he'd end up killing half of himself. If she followed suit, she'd experience the same sense of loss. His breath brushed across her face and she hoped he'd make the right decision, wrapping her fingers around his own for good measure. They were in this together.


_"Somehow, we'll find it. The balance between whom we wish to be and whom we need to be. But for now, we simply have to be satisfied with who we are."_

_― Brandon Sanderson_

* * *

Rey focused on Kylo's presence until his voice assailed her thoughts, bleeding into the desert beyond her closed eyes like smoke, barely there. It had been months since she had reached out to him, pressing her fingers against his raging mind in search of light, pursuing the warmth of his hand above all else. Many things had been conveyed through his touch, allowing her to peer into his heart as if it were an open window, inviting her to steal the secrets he'd stored within it. If it was to understand him, she continued to feel lost. Her faith in him remained although he'd done everything in his power to derail it, watching in dismay as it fell apart little by little each time. Maintaining her grip had become difficult, but she refused to let him destroy what she had seen within his heart, tightening her hold. He'd notice these silent affirmations, prying her fingers from his thoughts one by one, severing the bond between them. The silence left behind had been deafening. She had craved it once, pushing him away despite his sincere pleas, ignoring how his voice had thrummed through her mind as violently as his lightsaber. She rarely decided to acknowledge him in these moments, but after everything they had been through together, she felt as though she had no choice. The light she had felt behind the warmth of his fingers had gradually faded away, replaced by something she could barely describe without cringing. Darkness enveloped every slither of light that lingered within him, wrapping itself around the flame she had re-kindled in an attempt to snuff it out. If she could salvage what remained of Ben Solo, reassembling every broken and bleeding fragment of his past, she was certain she could prevent Kylo Ren from reaching self-actualization.

His voice drifted through her head again, demanding every ounce of her attention. She could see him in the distance, a tiny speck of silver in the glare of Jakku's sun, barreling across the desert in a whirl of sand so large, it blotted out the blue of the sky. Based on his current trajectory, she knew his intended target was her. She hoped he'd find it in himself to turn away, dispelling the rage that burned within his chest so she could speak to him properly, but their conversations had rarely been civil. He'd appear to her when she was at her most vulnerable, sneaking into her waking moments as though he'd always been a part of them. When his demands went unanswered he'd grow more adamant, trailing his fingers across her thoughts so he could better understand them, stealing secrets that weren't his to possess. They'd squabble like children until it became unbearable. His desire for attention confused her, especially when their words tended to burn as brightly as their weapons, widening the rift between them blow after blow. She'd continue to reject him in every way possible, incapable of deciding whether his apologies were sincere in their artfulness or cleverly constructed lies, yet her faith in him persisted. It was altogether too easy to see, spilling into every sentence that slipped through her lips until it radiated from her like a glowing light, a beacon he couldn't help but approach. They circled one another in an endless parody of a dance, testing how much they could get away with before they'd inevitably collide. As the seconds passed in silence, Rey tried to remain calm, watching in resignation as his ship kicked up more and more dust, shielding her from the light of the sun.

"You don't have to do this," she said, allowing a part of herself to flow freely through the Force, entering the cockpit of his vessel. "This won't end well."

"For me or for you?"

Rey placed her hands on the back of his seat, watching as his shoulders visibly tensed up, an involuntary reaction to her presence. "Does it even matter?"

"When it comes to you I think it does."

"Killing me won't change who you are, Ben."

He laughed, turning his head to look directly into her eyes. "You're not the only person who's told me that."

"Then I hope I'll be the last," she responded, trying to gauge his reaction. "There's light in you, I've seen it."

"You can't believe in something that doesn't exist."

"Then prove me wrong."

"I don't have to," he spat out, readjusting his grip. "I'm seconds from running you through. Any last words?"

She leaned forward, placing her hand on top of his own so she could feel his warmth. "You're more than your family's legacy, Ben. You've always been."

He froze in his seat, allowing himself to truly look at her for the first time since their encounter a few months ago. His eyes were just as dark as she remembered them being, but the anger she'd usually notice within them had been replaced with an emotion she'd never seen before. It was as endless as Jakku's fields of sand, dancing across his eyes like the dust he continued to disperse outside, constantly present despite shielding it from view. He looked tired, unable to accept that his Grandfather's aspirations were far from his own, in constant conflict with himself and with her, caught between Kylo Ren's sense of purpose and Ben Solo's yearning to belong somewhere beyond the parameters of his family. His constant state of confusion was an extension of his being, made to last long after he'd attempted to rid himself of it. She knew he'd end up destroying himself in the process. He'd never free himself of his demons unless he learned to live with them, but he seemed too reluctant to even consider doing it. Every choice he'd make would result in chaos, nearly as turbulent as the look that churned within his gaze, a permanent reminder that the war he'd waged against himself would have no victor. The warmth from his hand prompted her to recall that he was just as damaged as she was and if given the chance, he could change. With him so close, she could almost feel it in the air between them, a subtle form of electricity that filled her with a sense of familiarity. They fought one another because they had been forced into doing it, but when given the chance to fight together, they moved as one. By killing her, he'd end up killing half of himself. If she followed suit, she'd experience the same sense of loss. His breath brushed across her face and she hoped he'd make the right decision, wrapping her fingers around his own for good measure. They were in this together.

His eyes softened, making room for an emotion she'd seen only several times in her life. "Rey―"

Kylo Ren's conflicted gaze vanished in the span of a heartbeat. Rey returned to the desert just in time to leap into the air, soaring above his ship like the dust he'd scattered there, hovering weightless over Jakku's rolling sands, waiting to hear the end of his sentence. Rey focused on his presence like she'd done so before, hoping his voice would fill her ears instead of silence, holding her breath as she forced her body high into the sky. She wanted to exhale in relief, dispelling the weight he'd placed upon her shoulders so they could walk away together unburdened, free of guilt, free of conflict, and free to explore who they were to one another.

"_Show me,_" he said finally, filling every space within her head until she could hardly think for herself. "_Then maybe I'll prove you wrong._"

Rey landed on the other side of his ship, gripping her lightsaber tightly in one hand. "I intend to," she retorted, saying it out loud, imbuing her voice with conviction. "I won't leave Jakku without you."

"_I couldn't have said it any better myself._"

She smiled in retaliation.


End file.
